My Lovely Mushroom

Saturday, June 2, 2012

HELLO..

HERE I AM TO POST AGAIN..
WELLLLLL, RATHER THAN TO SAY I AM HERE TO POST...
I WOULD SAY I AM WRITING A LETTER HERE FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEE IT..

ALL I WAN TO SAY TO THE PERSON IS I AM TRULY SORRY FOR THE MISTAKES I HAVE DONE..
I AM HAPPY TO ONCE BE SOMEONE U R PROUF OF BUT ALSO AT THE SAME TIME, I AM THE ONE WHO RUIN EVERYTHING AND I AM THE ONE WHO CAUSE UR SADNESS...

I AM NOT ONLY SORRY TO THIS PERSON BUT THE OTHER PERSON WHO IS AFFECTED TOO...

I AM GLAD NOW THE PERSON WHO IS AFFECTED IS FEELING HAPPY NOW WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES FOR HER.. COS I THINK I SOMETIMES RLY DUNNO HOW TO FACE HER.. I DUN EVEN DARE MENTION MUCH ABT THE PERSON I AM SORRY TOWARDS TO PREVENT THE WOUND BEING OPENED AGAIN AND IT WILL HURT TERRIBLY....

I AM SUCH A LOSER WHO CAN ONLY USE THIS METHOD TO SAY I AM SORRY COS I AM JUS SO COWARD...

AND TO BE FRANK, THIS IS A SHADOW THAT CAN NEVER BE WIPED AWAY IN ANY WAY.. IT HAS BEING A BLACK MARK IN MY LIFE RECORD.... AND MAYBE THIS IS THE REASON WHY SOMETIMES I DUN RLY KNOW WHAT IS LOVE AND I DUNNO HOW TO RLY LOVE.. COS I ONLY KNOW I AM NOT WORTH OF ANYTHING BUT AT THE SAME TIME YET I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO GREEDY,WANTING THIS AND THAT.. YET WHAT DO I DO?

ALL I DID WAS TO RECEIVE AND DUNNO HOW TO GIVE BACK TOO.. I SELFISHLY ASKED FOR STH AND I GT IT YET..DID I GIVE ANYTHING IN RETURN?

NO!! THE ANSWER IS NO~!

MAYBE SOMETIMES I THINK I DID.. BUT IN ACTUAAL FACT, I DIDNT...!
NOW I KNOW WHY WHENEVER I AM LOVED, IT DOESNT LAST LONG..
COS I DUN DESERVE IT AT ALL... I DUN DESERVE SUCH NICE TREATMENT FROM ANYONE..

12:57 AM

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

HELLO..

I AM BACK TO POST ONCE AGAIN... LOLS!!

BUT THIS TIME I JUS WAN TO SAY THAT I SEEM TO FALL FOR THE WRONG PERSON COS HE IS NT READY FOR A R/S AND EVEN IF I AM WILLING TO WAIT..... HE MIGHT NOT STILL LOVE MII WHEN THE TIME COMES... COS I AM SURE HE WILL FALL FOR SOMEONE ELSE EASILY ONE..

I DUNNO WHAT MAKES MII THINK SO BUT I JUS GT THAT FEELING... HE SAY HE DOESNT FALL IN LOVE EASILY BUT IS IT TRUE? COS SOMEHOW I DOUBT SO BA...

I DARE NT SAY I AM A HARDCORE GIRL WHO WILL LOVE THAT ONE PERSON FOREVER...
BUT I DUNNO WHAT HAPPEN TO MII NOW THAT I JUS WANNA BE WITH HIM AND JUS TREASURE THE TIME WE CAN SPEND TGT...

AM I WRONG TO DO THAT? COS SOMEHOW IT BECOME LIKE A BARRIER AND OBSTACLE FOR MYSELF THAT I NEED OVERCOME...

I WAN TO HAVE HIM TO MYSELF BUT IT JUS SEEM SO IMPOSSIBLE AND I THINK HE IS THE ONE THAT HAVE MADE MII WANNA WAIT FOR HIM NO MATTER WHAT BUT THE FEEAR IN MII NOW IS WHAT IF I WAIT AND IN THE END IS I WAIT IN VAIN AS HE HAS GT SOMEONE ELSE ALR?
COS I KNOW LOVE CANNOT BE CONTROLLED OR ETC... SIGHH... NO PROMISE MADE AND IT IS BOTHERING MII QUITE ALOT.. :(

FIND MYSELF QUITE STUPID AND MAYBE NOT JUS QUITE AS I HAVE BECOOME MORE AND MORE STUPID... ESP WHEN COMES TO R/S IN ANY TERM...

2:18 PM

Sunday, April 22, 2012

BACK TO POST AGAIN...

SIGHHH.... BEEN THINKING QUITE ALOT FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS...

I BEEN THINKING WHAT REALLY WENNT WRONG... SOMEHOW OR OTHERSSS...

AND SUDDENLY YTD SOMEONE ASKED MII I WILL SURE SAY IS THE PERSON FAULT AND NONE OF MY BUSINESS THAT THIS FRIENDSHIP IS GONE,BROKEN AND ETC...

BUT I WONDER AM I JUS PERSON? I AM BEING ASSUMED IN SUCH MANNER B4 ALR... BUT AT LEAST THIS PERSON SAY AND IT DOESNT HURT COS HE IS NOT THAT CLOSE TO MII LIEK PREVIOUS ONE WHICH IS SOMEONE I TRUST AND ETC... SO IS DIFFERENT....

OKAY, AND BACK TO TOPIC,..

I THINK IS BOTH PARTY FAULT THAT THIS FRIENDSHIP DIDNT WORKED OUT AS I FIND THAT WE BOTH R JJUS SO SELFISH IN OUR OWN WAY AND WE R JUS UNABLE TO ACCEPT EACH OTHER FLAWS OR STH?

I NOT VERY SURE BUT I KNOW THERE IS CERTAIN THINNG I JUS COULDNT LET GO... AND THATS WAT CAUSE THE CHANGES IN OUR FRIENDSHIP AND ANYTHING CAN JUS BLOW IT OFF...

BUT I SINCERELY DO THANK HER THAT WHEN I AM BEING DISSED AND ETC, SHE IS THE ONE THAT STOOD BY MII BUT SOMEHOW THAT FRIENDSHIP JUS CHANGED AS TIME PASSED BY AND ALL JUS CHANGES..DRAMATICALLY IN EVERYWAY...

EVERY ONE WILL GROW AND CHANGE BUT THE SOMEONE CHANGE FOR THE WORSE OR BTR DIFFER AND SOMEHOW WE MAY THHINK WE HAVE CHANGED FOR THE BTR BUT OTHER PPL THINK LIKEWISE...

SO THATS MY POINT OF VIEW....

NOW I FALL SICK AND ALL I CAN SAY IS MAYBE IT IS MY PUNISHMENT ALR.. AND ALL I WAN IS TO JUS MOVEE ON.. FOR U AND MII...

1:23 AM

Thursday, April 19, 2012

HERE I AM TO BLOG...

NOW I AM SOMEONE WHO IS JUS SO UNWORTHYY TO HAVE FRIENDS COS I AM A BETRAYER...
NV ONCCE I HATE THAT SOMEONE... BUT SHE TOT I HATE HER...

AND SHE WILL NV UNDERSTAND ANYTHING...
NOT EVERYTHING MUST BE SAID BLUNTLY DE...
DUN SHE KNOW THAT???

WHAT I HAVE DONE IS ALWAYS WRONG AND INSUFFICIENT...!!
THEN CAN U TELL MII WHAT I DO IS RIGHT AND ENOUGH FOR U?
I AM JUS A NORMAL HUMAN BEING...
I AM THANKFUL THAT U R THE ONE BEING MY FRIEND WHEN I AM BEING LOOKED DOWN UPON AND ETC...
BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN U GT THE RIGHT TO MISTREAT MII IN ANY WAY U WAN....

I CAN BE THERE FOR U WHEN I CAN BUT NOT ALL THE TIME...
ALL OF US GT THR FREEDOM TO DO WHATEVER WE WAN ISNT IT?
I DUN DENY THAT I AM SELFISH... BUT I ALSO DARE TO SAY THAT I DID GIVE IN TO U TOO... BUT U ALWAYS FAIL TO NOTICE AND WHATEVER I DO IS ALWAYS WRONG...

AND DID U NOTICE STH?
HOW WOULD U LIKE TO BE CALLED STUPID AND IN ADDITION WITH ALL THOSE SARCASTIC AND HURTFUL?
LIKE I KEEP EMPHASIZING, I AM JUS A NORMAL HUMAN BEING...
U KEEP SAYING THAT U R JUS JOKING BUT DUN U THIUNK U WENT TOO FAR??
AND U ALWAYS SAY I ABANDON U AND ETC, BUT MAY I KNOW IF U DID CONSIDER ABT MII WHEN U GT UR APPOINTMENT OR ETC?
LAST MINUTE ALSO ISNT IT?
THEN WHY MUST I BE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS GIVE IN? THEN WHEN U GIVE IN, I MUST BE GLAD AND THANKFUL???

U SAY U CAN NAME ALOT OF THINGS WHICH U HATE/DISLIKE ABT MII, SO CAN I ARHHHHH~
AND I DO KNOW WE R ALL NOT PERFECT...
BUT WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A FRIENDSHIP IS JUS RESPECT AND SOME DIGNITY IN MYSELF....

THATS ALL I CAN SAY FOR NOW...!

11:28 PM

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

BACK TO BLOG AGAIN..
AND GUESS WHAT IT MEANS?
IT MEANS I AM DOWN AGAIN!!!

SIGH...
I DO LOOK FORWARD TO CHINESE NEW YEAR BUT THERE IS ONE THING I FEAR TOO....
THE VIEWPOINT OF MY COUSINS!!
THE WORDS THAT ONE SAID HAS BEEN LINGERING IN MY MIND AND EARS!!
I REALLY KINDA REGRET MEETING THEM THAT TIME..
KINDA RUIN MY HOLIDAY MORE...
ONE BLOW AFTER ANOTHER..!

SIGH...
KINDA PATHETIC WHEN SOMEONE SO CLOSE TO U GT SUCH IMPRESSION OF U NO MATTER WHAT...
THATS WHY SOMETIMES I THINK GT A FRIEND OF MINE IN SCH IS BTR THAN ANYONE ELSE...
AT LEAST SHE DID TRY TO UNDERSTAND MII AND ETC...
NOT JUS ASSUME!!
ASSUMPTION IS STH I HATE ALOT...

I ADMIT I DO ASSUME SOMETIMES BUT NOT TO THE EXTENT OF HURTING SOMEONE!! SIGHHHHH~

6:00 PM

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

HERE TO BLOG AGAIN AND IT SEEM LIKE EVERYTIME I AM UPSET THEN I WILL BLOG..
SIGH..
BUT WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO I HAVE...
OTHER THAN BLOGGING, I HAVE NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE WAY TO VENT MY FUSTRATION...
ESP WHEN IT CONCERN SOMEONE I TOT THEY CAN AT LEAST GIVE MII SOME CONSOLATION BUT I AM WRONG!!!
SIGH...
WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON???
I REALLY DUN UNDERSTAND ALL THE CHANGES NOW THAT HAVE TAKEN PLACE!!!!

I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY IN WORDS FOR THEM TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM FEELING,
WHAT I AM UNDERGOING....
SO THIS IS MY WAY TO VENT WHAT IS IN MY HEART!!!

I NV TOT SOMEONE SO CLOSE TO MII SINCE YOUNG WILL ASSUME SOMETHING WRONG WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAULT COS I AM CHILDISH!!!
I DO KNOW I AM CHILDISH EVEN THOUGH GIVEN MY AGE, I SHOULD HAVE GROWN MATURE...
BUT WHY FORCE MII TO GROW UP TO UNDERSTAND ALL THIS NONSENSE??
I AM JUS A GIRL WHO WAN PEACE AND NEED SOMEONE TO KNOW MII AND UNDERSTAND MII...!
NOT SOMEONE WHO WILLL JUS MAKE ASSUMPTION!!! WHEN U DUN EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH...!
I MAY BE THE ELDEST AMONG U GUYS BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING...
OR DOES AGE EXPLAIN ANYTHING OR EVERYTHING??
I MAY BE CHILDISH IN MY OWN WAY...
BUT ISNT THAT MII???
OR WILL IT COS OF MY AGE THEN I NEED ACT IN A MANNER WHICH DOESNT SHOW THAT I AM MII?
AT LEAST I KNOW WHEN TO BE MATURE...
AND I NV TOT IN FRONT OF U GUYS I STILL NEED TO PUT ON A MASK!!!
I NV TOT WHEN I NV SAY ANYTHING THEN U WILL JJUS ASSUME EVERYTHING SURE IS MY FAULT...
I NV TOT THATS WHAT U THINK ABT MII...
AND MAYBE WHAT I DID WAS RIGHT NOT TO TELL U BAH..
AS THATS THE WAY I SEE UR REACTION AND KNOW WHAT U THINK OF MII.

NOW THEN I KNOW U NOT ONLY DUN UNDERSTAND MII AS SOMEONE U KNOW BUT SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS CHILDISH AND NV GROW UP IN UR HEART...
SOMETIMES I THROW TANTRUM COS I WAN ATTENTION...
I WAN CONSOLATION...

BUT????

WHAT I GET IS JUS SCOLDINNG FROM U GUYS LIKE I AM ACTING LIKE A KIDS COS OF MY AGE...
THEN SHOULD I BLAME MY AGE AND WHY AM I BORN THAT TIME?
I AM THE ELDEST AMONG U GUYS DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING!!!
DO U GUYS UNDERSTAND???!
I DO HAVE MY OWN WEAK POINT TOO..
DO U GUYS KNOW HOW LONG HAVE A BEEN TRYING TO BE STRONG AND THERE IS ALWAYS TIME I WILL BREAK DOWN DE!!!
SINCE U GUYS KNOW NTH THEN WHY JUDGE MII WHEN I AM ALR DAMN UPSET AND U GUYS KNOW IT!!!

8:21 PM

Thursday, December 15, 2011

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON ON EARTH!!
I REALLY DUNNO IF MAKING MII UPSET AND ALL WILL MAKE THEM FEEL SO HAPPY AND ALL??
IF THATS THE CASSE, IS IT WORTH IT TO MAKE A PERSON SAD WHEN U GET THE SORT OF HAPPINESS AS U FIND IT FUNNY AND TREAT IT AS A JOKE.. =.=

I NOW REALLY WONDER IF WE R REALLY A GRP, A COHORT ANOT...
I DUN LIKE THE FACT THAT I AM TTREATED AS A JOKE..
THE OBJECT OF THE JOKE!!

I WOULD NV WAN TO BE AN OBJECT OF A JOKE THAT WILL CAUSE MII TO BE SO UPSET AND EMBARASSING..
WHEN I DUN ACKNOWLDEGE THE JOKE TOTALLY!!
WHO R U GUYS TO COMMENT AND USE MII AS UR JOKE?
NOT FUNNY AT ALL........

IF U GUYS THINK I AMBEING PETTY ONLY THEN FINE...
I ADMIT I AM PETTY AND I JUS DUN LIKE SUCH JOKESS!!!
COS IT IS NV FUNNY TO MII...
THIS MOMENT I CAN BE FINE BUT NOT FOR LONG WHEN U GUYS KEEP USING IT AND REPEATING IT...

5:35 PM